The Ultimate Showdown
I just don't get how they got Chuck Norris, he must be slipping...
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Humourous Videos
Started by
DeathDude
, Jan 08 2006 07:16 PM
595 replies to this topic
#16
Flop
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Aspiring Geek
Posted 30 January 2006 - 09:18 PM
Furthermore, it is my opinion that Carthage must be destroyed.
#17
Tulac
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The Great Red Lemur
Posted 30 January 2006 - 09:54 PM
This seems so appropriate...
Quote
Top Ten Chuck Norris Facts
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
8. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. ***-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a *meep*ing Indian.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Additional Chuck Norris Facts
* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
* Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the *meep* down.
* Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
* Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
* Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
* Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
* When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
* The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
* Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
* CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot *** kicking in real-time.
* Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
* Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
* What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims
before they died? His shoe.
* Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
* Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
* Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
* Chuck Norris doesn?t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
* A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
* Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
* Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
* If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
* Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
* Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will *meep* you up.
* The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
* Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
* Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
* Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
* Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
* Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
* Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
* Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
* In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
* Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The *meep* was That?"
* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
* Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
* The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
* According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
8. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. ***-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a *meep*ing Indian.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Additional Chuck Norris Facts
* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
* Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the *meep* down.
* Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
* Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
* Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
* Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
* When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
* The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
* Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
* CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot *** kicking in real-time.
* Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
* Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
* What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims
before they died? His shoe.
* Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
* Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
* Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
* Chuck Norris doesn?t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
* A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
* Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
* Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
* If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
* Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
* Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will *meep* you up.
* The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
* Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
* Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
* Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
* Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
* Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
* Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
* Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
* In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
* Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The *meep* was That?"
* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
* Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
* The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
* According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
DakaSha:if you go into a kindergarden and give all the kids rubber schlongs they will prob just hit each other over the head with them
DakaSha:and you have a class of little kids hitting eachother with rubber dongs which must be quite funny (also Picklweasel knight I am)
#18
DeathDude
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Duke de la Review
Posted 30 January 2006 - 09:56 PM
classic that's just classic.
http://www.last.fm/user/DeathDude/Upcoming Concerts will be attending, 5/10/08: Dream Theater, 5/12/08: Gigantour, 5/16/08: Nightwish, 5/27/08: Rush, 6/5/08 and 6/6/08: Iron Maiden, 7/27/08: Judas Priest,
#19
DakaSha
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Happy Little Tree-hugger
Posted 30 January 2006 - 10:05 PM
check this out: http://www.lookatent...t.com/v/v-9.htm
ROFL
(might want to save to harddrive because of the crap buffering)
ROFL
(might want to save to harddrive because of the crap buffering)
For all you artists here... and we have enough. Please draw me something :D Click Here. If possible include your nick. A simple Test. dunno of the PICKLEWAESEL order!!1!2
#20
A. J. Raffles
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The Grand Inquisitor
Posted 30 January 2006 - 10:52 PM
Hmm, aren't those eleven 'top ten facts', though? *dodges incoming round-house kicks, whatever they are* 
"Flippin' immigrants, stealin' our bandwidth etc. etc." - PrejudiceSucks
#21
Blood-Pigggy
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No mo' jibba jabba
Posted 30 January 2006 - 11:01 PM
And the opening scene in Saving Private Ryan is an old man crying over the graves of all his friends that died in World War 2.
Chuck Norris had some weird dodgeball games.
(They probably meant the Omaha Beach scene, but they didn't do their research.)
AJ - A roundhouse kick is where your foot starts at a 90 degrees angle in one direction, and sweeps outwards 180 degrees the other direction.
So...
Basicly, it's just taking your foot and kicking completely from right (depending on what foot you use) to the left.
It's used to kick people's skulls and make them fall down.
Chuck Norris had some weird dodgeball games.
(They probably meant the Omaha Beach scene, but they didn't do their research.)
AJ - A roundhouse kick is where your foot starts at a 90 degrees angle in one direction, and sweeps outwards 180 degrees the other direction.
So...
Basicly, it's just taking your foot and kicking completely from right (depending on what foot you use) to the left.
It's used to kick people's skulls and make them fall down.
Knight of the PICKLEWAESEL order!!1!21
Best Topics Ever: Aywanez Splenda Women PICKLEWESSEL Signs OMG
#22
Toxik
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N00b-a-R00b
Posted 31 January 2006 - 03:47 PM
Well,this one was completely ignores on AB so maybe I could try here
I was a teenage intellectual-horror movie with a twist.Dont worry though,good and commercialism will win against the horrible intellectuals...
subltitld,pretty large file-downlload only(17 MB aprox.).Im really sorry for that,but its worth it
I was a teenage intellectual-horror movie with a twist.Dont worry though,good and commercialism will win against the horrible intellectuals...
subltitld,pretty large file-downlload only(17 MB aprox.).Im really sorry for that,but its worth it
#23
DeathDude
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Duke de la Review
Posted 31 January 2006 - 04:24 PM
This video is one of my favs from Iron Maiden, mostly cause how silly it is, apparently what happened is this German tv show kept delaying when Maiden could get on stage so the band had a little fun.
http://www.youtube.c.....h=Iron Maiden
http://www.youtube.c.....h=Iron Maiden
http://www.last.fm/user/DeathDude/Upcoming Concerts will be attending, 5/10/08: Dream Theater, 5/12/08: Gigantour, 5/16/08: Nightwish, 5/27/08: Rush, 6/5/08 and 6/6/08: Iron Maiden, 7/27/08: Judas Priest,
#24
Dvoe
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A Usual Suspect
Posted 03 February 2006 - 06:44 AM
Some crazy videos here for you guys to check out:
http://video.google....488008488190547
http://video.google....8766&q=top gear
http://video.google....488008488190547
http://video.google....8766&q=top gear
#25
Dvoe
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A Usual Suspect
Posted 03 February 2006 - 09:38 PM
This performance totally set the metal community back about 30 years. Everyone I know who knows I like metal probably thinks I listen to garbage like what this kid did on this show. What an embarrassment to the heavy music community.http://www.youtube.c.....american idol
Oh and sorry for the double post.
#26
DeathDude
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Duke de la Review
Posted 03 February 2006 - 11:04 PM
I heard about this guy, it's a good thing the metal community all agree he pretty much is a horrible singer. 
Man to see this though, geez is all I can say. 
Man to see this though, geez is all I can say.
http://www.last.fm/user/DeathDude/Upcoming Concerts will be attending, 5/10/08: Dream Theater, 5/12/08: Gigantour, 5/16/08: Nightwish, 5/27/08: Rush, 6/5/08 and 6/6/08: Iron Maiden, 7/27/08: Judas Priest,
#27
Dvoe
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A Usual Suspect
Posted 13 February 2006 - 03:48 PM
This is one of the funniest things i"ve seen in a long time,
"The Myspace Movie"
#28
Sean
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Just call me Mr. Magic!
Posted 13 February 2006 - 04:26 PM
Who's Chuck Norris?
Me>You
#29
DeathDude
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Duke de la Review
Posted 13 February 2006 - 05:43 PM
Your joking right? 
http://www.last.fm/user/DeathDude/Upcoming Concerts will be attending, 5/10/08: Dream Theater, 5/12/08: Gigantour, 5/16/08: Nightwish, 5/27/08: Rush, 6/5/08 and 6/6/08: Iron Maiden, 7/27/08: Judas Priest,
#30
Tulac
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The Great Red Lemur
Posted 13 February 2006 - 05:52 PM
Sean I would be scared, very scared...
DakaSha:if you go into a kindergarden and give all the kids rubber schlongs they will prob just hit each other over the head with them
DakaSha:and you have a class of little kids hitting eachother with rubber dongs which must be quite funny (also Picklweasel knight I am)
